having fun is cool: the perfunctory edition
sometimes, you just have to photoshop a little pink cowboy hat onto doctor's head and really think about what makes you tick. also sorry this is late.
hell-o hi hell-o,
here we are again, I wrote a bunch of nonsense for this newsletter weeks ago, forgot about absolutely everything I wrote, and so I have returned to revise and finish. this month, this project of self-assessment is feeling incredibly perfunctory. wish I knew why!!
so here are the basic updates: since I last wrote to you, I completed my 75-day challenge of doing 10k steps a day, a fitness class every day, some amount of reading and some amount of journaling every day, and one criterion movie every week — AND THEN shortly thereafter I completed day 200 of walking 10k steps or more (that's more than 2 million steps if you're arithmetically challenged like me) and I finished my 20th book of the year.
giving myself tangible daily goals has been good for me (ugh!!!), and unfortunately, I've become extremely reliant on my jock activities (at-home fitness classes nearly every day + steps) to buoy my serotonin levels. I recently read a book review confirming that everyone was right all along and that 150 minutes per week of moderate exercise (walk fast, talk loud) leads to less depression (so annoying that everyone was right). anyway, embrace jockhood ("and what is being a jock if not exerting effort?" —jodi). throw your body around. that's the big life lesson.
otherwise, everything is just. fine. fine!! I accidentally got a tiny mullet and that is the biggest news I have. sometimes, you make your world so small and it feels good until (from your own self imposed structure) you have to send an update into the world and all you have to note is that the cat has been terrorizing you by chewing on all your plants and puking in the hallway, waking you up at 4 AM every day to a pool of bile.
I am ready for warmer weather. I am ready to plop myself into sand and sweat my brain into a pancake. but until then, here are some things that were fun for me this last month.
I wish I had one smart thing to say about either of these smart books.
BOOK: Flights (Olga Tokarczuk)
here is how this went: I wanted the hot new cool book of the season, but I thought I guess I had better read her older hit first, and mack said this book was incredible, and she was right. it was great. it's just delightfully disconnected, disaffected, vignettes that span the world, and so many types of characters. she really nails a general feeling of itinerancy that feels so germane to this moment of feeling ~stuck~ and it was cool to explore all kinds of places and people in the meantime. if you've ever been a person who said I will get on a plane because certainly my problems will not follow me wherever I go, this is a book for you.
other notable book: An American Sunrise (Joy Harjo)
I went to my first poetry reading IRL since march 2020, and I went to hear poet laureate joy harjo read at the barnes museum, and wouldn't you know that reading was going to be a ~profound experience of art***~!!! the book is good (idk how fun it is, the fun part of it for me is these women in their 70s were sitting next to me shit talking the young question askers, which was so rude???? and then karma bit them right on the tit and they forgot their signed copy of this book behind when they RAN out of the reading and now it is mine).
this really is getting dumber each time. I do apologize.
MOVIE(S): Parallel Mothers (Pedro Almodóvar), Asparagus (Suzan Pitt), Licorice Pizza (Paul Thomas Anderson), Drive My Car (Ryusuke Hamaguchi), Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy (Ryusuke Hamaguchi)
I'm breaking my own self-imposed structure because, shockingly, I watched a lot of fun movies this month, and I would honestly recommend them all.
Parallel Mothers: this movie is for you if you like Almodóvar, if you like Penelope Cruz, if you like just a lick of melodrama. it's thoughtful, it's about motherhood and also la patria.
Asparagus: psychosexual, animated, scale play. 18 minutes long. it's a trip and a joy. and it was shown to me on a special and nice weekend :'~)
Licorice Pizza: I really don't think this is a movie about grooming. I think it's a movie about tension in relationships when things can't be how you want them to be. and also hollywood dynasties. it was extremely charming and my first paul thomas anderson movie.
Drive My Car: yes, it is long. yes, it is beautiful. yes, it is about grief and loss. yes, you will likely cry. it's so good.
Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy: this one I just watched the other night and it's the same director as Drive My Car, but it's not as good but I did have a great time — vignettes, past loves coming to haunt vibes.
GOOP: Tretinoin
so I started retinoid at the top strength — 0.1%. so far, so good. I'm doing it every three nights, buffered between moisturizer. I have peeled, but only a little bit. I'm breaking out less. ask me again in 6 months when you can see more real results. but in the meantime, I'm excited to not be burning my whole face off. and I will save you the bit of the pink hat.
SONG: music for living spaces (green-house), drive my car (eiko Ishibashi), motomami (rosalia)
once again, I will break my own format. in the scheme of ~profound experiences of art~, while I was on a train, listening to the music for living spaces album (ty once again to mack), then the drive my car score, and then the new rosalia album back to back, reading flights, I emerged into a sharp sunny day and then CRIED. very main character energy of me.
I really do apologize for this
BONUS JONAS: a growth in rewatch
did I almost make this section just 'plodding'? and is that not the same as the last four bonus jonases? yes. ok so let me tell you this instead. inspired by daire and liora, I just rewatched the entire series girls, and had an absolute blast. the show had a chokehold on my college/post-college years (however reluctant I was to admit that), and whatever things I identified with the spoiled characters, upon rewatch, I no longer do. which RULES. anyway, it's a good show with flaws that you're likely already aware of and so I won't relitigate or rehash, but I do think it had a lot to say about friendships dissolving that I found particularly meaningful upon rewatch at this later age. anyway, this is what the heck has been up. tell me this: what's up with you? what's the last fun book you read? what caused your last ~profound experience of art***~?
doctor and I loved the tiny rainbow you can maybe see in the background of these screenshots. if you can't see the rainbow, I am sorry. it is just one of those things that I guess you really did have to be there for the poetics of the moment. until next month. xoxo
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***please read the below excerpt from ben lerner's leaving the atocha station that best explains the ~profound experience of art~
